Funeral Etiquette
Respect. Guidance. Service.
Funeral Etiquette
Funeral etiquette has changed over time, but common sense remains your best guide. Here are a few key dos and don’ts to keep in mind when attending a funeral.
Do:
- Express Your Condolences – Finding the right words can be challenging, but a simple, sincere expression of sympathy can go a long way. You don’t need to say much—something like, “I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family,” is often enough. If you can’t attend the service, sending a card or leaving a message online is a meaningful way to convey your condolences.
- Dress Appropriately – While the tradition of wearing all black has relaxed, it’s important to dress in a respectful and modest manner. Avoid wearing casual attire such as jeans and t-shirts, and steer clear of bright, flashy colors. Aim to wear something that you would wear to a wedding or a professional interview.
- Sign the Register Book – The register book will be kept as a memento by the family. Be sure to sign your full name and your relationship to the deceased, and feel free to leave a short message.
- Give a Thoughtful Gift – The gesture is more important than the gift itself. Appropriate options include flowers, a donation to a charity of the family’s choice, or offering to assist the family later (such as preparing a meal, helping with chores, or other practical support). Don’t forget to include a card with your name so the family knows who gave the gift.
- Stay in Touch – After the funeral, your support is still valuable. While the family might need time to grieve, a simple phone call or a note later on can let them know you’re thinking of them. With social media, even a brief message is a meaningful way to show you care. The weeks and months after the funeral are often when family members need the most support.
Don't:
- Bring Your Cell Phone – A ringing phone is disruptive and inappropriate at a funeral. Be sure to silence or turn off your phone entirely. Even better, leave it at home or in your car to avoid distractions. This is not the time for texting or checking messages.
- Allow Children to Be a Distraction – Children are often aware of death, and it’s okay for them to attend if the deceased was close to them. However, if you believe the child might become disruptive or if the funeral isn’t suitable for them, consider arranging care for them elsewhere during the service.
- Avoid Remembering the Good Times – While funerals are a time for mourning, reflecting on happy memories can also help with the healing process. Sharing a lighthearted or funny story about the deceased (when appropriate) can offer comfort and is often exactly what the person would have appreciated.
- Overindulge – If food or drinks are provided, be mindful of others. It’s important to be respectful and not overconsume. If alcohol is offered, limit yourself to one or two drinks to maintain decorum.